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no wonder today was weird!   
11:20pm 15/03/2007
HAPPY IDES OF MARCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Drink Me
09:06pm 24/05/2006
  I find it pathetic that it took you this long to delete "us" from your friend's list. You've been off of mine for months and others for about a year now. Real sharp.

p.s. I'm glad that you're done with your tantrums...they were getting old.
Drink Me
12:09am 03/05/2006
mood: awake
I'm getting that feeling again....and it's funny because I think it happens when there is an internal war going on inside of me......

I can't believe how selfish people are...all they care about is themselves and only if something fucked up happens they come to you to make themselves feel better about themselves...how narcissistic.

what ever happened to being there no matter what...not due to some alternative motive that is self serving.

what happened to INTEGRITY?

-you know who this is bitches.

* thanks for listening esther...
3 Drinks| Drink Me
fuck you ...fuck you....fuck you ...YOU   
01:09am 04/09/2005



4 Drinks| Drink Me
03:32pm 22/07/2005
mood: busy
So here are those Spiderman pictures I promised. I'm not done yet. but I hope I'll be done with it soon. Let me know what you think.

1. Image hosted by Photobucket.com

2.Image hosted by Photobucket.com

3. Image hosted by Photobucket.com

So. Ya. That's all for now.

6 Drinks| Drink Me
"How dare you marry her?!?" by: Shlomo Sher   
08:02pm 10/06/2005

In less than two months from now I’ll be married. We’re talking a beautiful lakeside ceremony of our design, leaving the ceremony by horse-drawn carriage, the whole bit. It’s a romantic once-in-a-lifer and I’m pretty damn excited about it. Almost everyone I’ve told about it has not only offered their sincere congratulation, but seemed genuinely happy for my fiancé and I. Until today, when was verbally assaulted by the part-time professor I share my office with. Was I aware of my privilege to marry? Did I not realize that I was taking advantage of a privilege denied to others like herself and her lesbian partner? How could I live with myself, perpetrating the system of oppression by the implicit support getting married gives it?!?

She was very bitter and frustrated and blamed me for throwing my marriagability right in her face. It was shocking, really. Sometimes when people attack you at what seems like a strange time and place, you get stunned and confused and unsure of anything you believe. I really didn’t know what to say. Being married just seemed like such a great thing to me. Me, who had been at the winning and losing end of open-relationships. Me, who had seriously considered the prospect of group marriage. Me, overly-influenced by optimism about freedom, and me who would so often point out the limitations of marital commitment. Me, committed, getting married, thinking it’s the best think ever to do with my life

But she wanted to know how I “dared”!

And I didn’t quite understand the question. I always thought it was a matter of whether or how I wanted. Was this not a sign of my privilege? Was I blinded by the easiness of it all – the way living a heterosexual life was something I never had to struggle for?

I’m probably on the outer spectrum of liberalism in that I do sincerely believe that marriage should be extended to any consenting adult group – including any kind of multi-person marriage, incestual relationships, and of course something as innocent as a gay or lesbian couple. Still, I had never given the matter of denying myself marriage a single thought until now.

After 30 minutes of arguing (embittered on her part, defensive and confused on mine) I couldn’t take anymore and left. A few minutes later I came back to do what my naturally conflict-avoiding ass rarely does, which is stand up for myself. I told her that her frustration and bitterness were understandable, but that I didn’t deserve to be at the receiving end of their discharge. After all, not only was I on her side – I was an advocate for the right of gay marriage – I had pressed the issue in many conversation, including a feature on this website. Her response was that as far as she was concerned, I completely deserved every bit of negativity I was receiving since I was working to perpetuate the system that was oppressing her. As far as she was concerned, I wasn’t on her side at all. I was still part of the problem.

Now, personally, trying to beat up on someone in order to get them to change their mind, just isn’t my style. Worse yet, it seems to me just about the worst way to bring them over to your side – not to mention to get them to fight for you… But whether or not this was one of them, some situations are so desperate that they call for desperate measures. And in this case, though I left pissed, I also left thinking about an issue I’ve never considered before – an issue in a long line of questions what the privileged owe those who lack these privileges.

* * *

I take it that there are two reasons why someone would think that people who believe that gays and lesbians are being unjustly denied marriage, should themselves abstain from marriage or renounce their existing one.

I can see it as a practical tactic where publicly denouncing marriage affectively convinces the rest of the country that the violation against queers should be taken more seriously than it currently is – seriously enough to the point where marriage becomes available to all. At that point, not only will queers be able to marry – the rest of us who have meanwhile put off or renounced our marriage, can finally return to our normally-planned nuptials.

Good luck with that. Everything is, afterall, literally possible. Personally, I’d place more practical trust in the progressive consciousness of a nation who only 50 years ago would force shock therapy on homosexuals, only 30 years ago removed homosexuality from the DSM as a psychological disease, and now is actually discussing about marriage for queers – something that would have been unthinkable even in the days of homo-friendly Grecians.

And frankly, it also just seems a bit too much to ask someone to do. The chances for social change here are extremely low, while the chances of bringing harm to my life are very high. Would it change anything if a growing tide of participants in this protest swept the blue states? The chances would rise. Would it be wrong for me to selfishly weaken it then? What if the movement was nationwide? What then? Maybe it would change things. I’m not really sure.

What I do know is that for some people that’s just not what it’s all about. For some, the demand that we sacrifice for the sake of real justice is simply not the kind of thing that can ask too much of us. Justice demands what it demands, not necessarily what’s convenient for us.

This is the line my assailant was pushing The idea is that it’s simply wrong for someone to accept a privilege granted to them like the capacity to marry, if that privilege is not extended to all who deserve it. She didn’t spell out exactly how it would work, but merely pressed the intuition that there’s something wrong with taking advantage of a privilege you have done nothing to deserve. A privilege you’re given merely as a matter of cultural prejudice, or the blind luck of birth.

Justice is supposed to bring good and ill to those who deserve it. This undeserved randomness seems to fly in the face of Justice. And we see it everywhere …

The biggest indicator of one’s likelihood of success in college in the United States is her parent’s socioeconomic status. The biggest contributor to high SAT scores is whether or not your parents paid for an expensive training course for you. There’s a privilege based on the combination of luck of birth and cultural convention – a privilege you might think is well misplaced. Should you forgo your privileged capacity to take prep classes in public protest, knowing it may seriously harm your future prospects? Must you?

The more beautiful your society considers you, the more likely you are to succeed in virtually any aspect of life. It’s been shown that even parents languish much more love and attention on their more beautiful children. There’s a privilege based on the combination of luck of birth and cultural convention – a privilege you might think is misplaced. Should you make yourself plainer? Dress purposely (and publicly) very badly? Scar yourself in public protest? Must you?

You’re born white in a society which allows only your ethnic group to own property, restricting others. For example, Jews weren’t allowed to own property for a long time in Europe and Blacks not only couldn’t own property, but were explicitly allowed to be considered as property in the U.S. It’s hard to imagine anyone today that thinks there gross injustice wasn’t going on here. Here’s a privilege as obviously based on the combination of luck of birth and cultural convention as anything. It’s no more, and I’m not sure if it’s any less, of an unfair privilege than the other – never mind the intense difference of degree. Now nevermind the easy question of whether as a slaveowner one would have to free all her slaves in face of the injustice. That’s too easy. That’s not enough. Should she go further and give up all of her own property in public protest of his unfair privilege? Must she?

However you may feel about the multi-dimensionally-unfair world we live in, and what it is that we’re required to do about it’s injustices (and, as always, I want to know how it is that you do feel about it, so tell me below), I’m ecstatic about July 17, 2005 and wish it on anyone, anywhere, whose ever been in love and wanted to take it to the next contractual level.

I’m not personally convinced that there’s anything wrong with marrying the woman I love, but even if there was. Even if heterosexual marriage, at a time of social conscious-raising, was wrong. Well, paraphrasing Barry White, if getting married is wrong, I don’t want to be right.
5 Drinks| Drink Me
Just for now   
09:21am 20/05/2005
mood: rushed
I have so much to say in this thing. But just for now...here's the egg still-life that i completed.

Image hosted by Photobucket.com

I'm giving it away as a late gift to my Mother.

2 Drinks| Drink Me
04:00pm 07/05/2005
mood: gloomy
I don't know what to do.

I don't want my body to feel this way for the rest of my life.

The past few days have been very painful.

It's difficult for me to take care of things because of my back...
Drink Me
03:37pm 04/05/2005
mood: happy
I got a call from the store manager Ruth....

7 Drinks| Drink Me
Don't expect me to share your visions in life..   
12:52am 12/04/2005
mood: awake

Last night we realized that there was something leaking out of my car. Today we took it to Firestone. They were absolutely no help. It turns out there is a gas leak. A hole in the gas tank. I ended up having to tow it to my parents house where my dad is working on it. I don't know what's going to happen w/ that. Now we have this ongoing joke about how things get screwed up w/ Joel comes home. Although I don't find the next prediction funny.
On our way to my parents house I recieve a phone call. It turns out that Home Depot wants to interview me. So tomarrow I have an interview at 9:15am. I've only applied to a few places online. I'm surprised to hear from Home Depot. Especially since there are so many applicants. So I'm excited. That was the highlight of my day. Even though my car is a fire hazard.
Tonight we went to Corona Del Mar for a little bit. It was trippy becuz the sand sparked blue light whenever you wrote into the wet sand w/ your fingertips. I ended up losing my phone in the sand momentarily while it was pitch black. Lindsey had to call it in order for me to retrieve it covered in sand...haha...that thing is always falling out of my pocket.

Saturday the colorguard did good. Two weeks ago was our last performance w/ a score of 72 points. This week we got 2nd place w/ an 81.4. We jumped up so many points. So this saturday is champs and that's it..the season's over. Time to start a whole different show! I'm going to try to get a raise. I think I deserve it. Especially w/ all the shit those kids have put me through...god dammit!
Man I feel like I haven't seen Esther in forever....i think this is like the first week i haven't really seen her. Strange.

P.S.- Does anyone want to by my '70 Ford Maverick? :]

P.S.S- Brenda Razo is a dumb fat "Rockabilly" blimp. Get your story straight bitch

p.S.S.S- I love eyelie
6 Drinks| Drink Me
Just Checking in   
11:11am 16/03/2005
mood: good
I went to Physical therapy yesterday. My therapist said that it looks like I'll only have to go for 2 more visits and that's it...I'm so glad. She gave some more exercises to do and stretched the heck out of my shoulder. It hurt like hell. I think that's the most it hurt from all my visits. She actually left some marks on it and then taped it up again so that it would stay in it's proper positions.

Sunday I went out with Ricardo (my first colorguard instructor). Even though it was a little nerve wrecking I told him everything that's been going on. He was so surprised/shocked, gave me some advice in multiple subjects. I'm glad I finally got some relief. I swear every person that I care about I want to tell them and I go through the same thing every time. I still have a few more to tell. I'm just waiting for when I'm ready to do it.

Saturday was our colorguard competition at Northview H.S. in Covina. We got second place w/ a 72.0 score. We went up a few. I was surprised that they had such a good performance because of how crappy they were practicing. It was "Horrendous". No seriously.

Over all things are going good between me and my star fish. It just seem that certain subjects have been really tender to touch these days.

I'm looking forward to my trip(s) to vegas. Cloud and Ana are coming home the 19th! and Joel April 1st.

p.s.- I got a tread mill. yay
1 Drink| Drink Me
Chino Hills H.S.   
09:58am 19/02/2005
mood: awake
Yesterday we had another competition for the colorguard. They got 2nd place again. Which is cool becuz they still did good. Their score was 69.5. I'm hoping next time to break seventy.
I had fun with alex being there and seeing some old ppl and meeting some new ppl. Mondo, bri and esther came to help out which is totally cool cuz we could always use the help. The only downside was that it was raining and I didn't get home until about 1am. But i wasn't really tired so that was a good thing.

In other news. eyelie says she has plans for me this weekend. So i'm looking forward to it. Naked Aggression Sunday! Esther u better be there! I still remember last time...good times. Except for that guy edward trying to hit on me...idiot. I think that's his name anyway?...

Yesterday night was kinda scary with the lightning and thunder...it reminded me of Florida.. I'm not used to it. It took me a while to go to bed.

That's it for now

Catch you on the flip side.

1 Drink| Drink Me
all this time   
12:07pm 15/02/2005
mood: annoyed
Valentines day was just like any day. I don't need a holiday to confess my love for someone. Regardless of our struggles we had a nice evening. *wink wink*. Andy gave me a plastic rose for valentines day thinking that it was on Sunday and not Monday. Danielle stopped by and gave me some chocolates. And Eyelie gave me a bag of goodies :]

Today I called to Orange County Superior Court and had a difficult time getting a hold of someone that could help me out. It turns out that my dumb ass "Lawyer" (or shall I say ex-lawyer since he dumped me to deal with it this last weekend with only a week till my court date) gave me the wrong court date and didn't bother telling me where it was going to take place. So now i don't even know what I'm going to do. I'll be lucky if i only get stuck w/ a 400 dollar ticket and traffic school....that is if the other party doesn't try to get anything out of me. It's so fucked. I'm trying not to think about it too much. But that guy was a real asshole.. I don't care if he's Deborah's brother or not. He fucked me over. I just don't see myself pleading guilty when I know i'm not...

In other news not much has been going on. I've just been home most of the time if I don't go w/ eyele to highland park / colorguard. Although some particular dirty salvie greaser from baldwin park who has a FIANCE not mentioning any names now... Has been coming around the apartment trying to find out where I live. Can we say pathetic? C'mon...what makes you think that we won't notice. Faggot.

Anyways...that's all for now.
6 Drinks| Drink Me
El Rancho...   
08:13pm 13/02/2005
  Yesterday was the colorguard comp. at el rancho. This time alex was there and davy too since we were riding w/ jones jr high. I just met them there since I live ten minutes away from Pico Rivera. The day dragged out soooooooo long. I just wanted to warm up have the girls perform...then just leave home. We had to rent a uhaul to haul our equipment. Mr. Holbrook drove it...bad idea. He hit the overhang of the school w/ the top of the truck...it bent in so sick that it cracked and hit the top of the cabin and dented it. he thought it was funny and apparently thought the ppl at the rental wouldn't notice....boy he was wrong. there is no way in hell they wouldn't have noticed. apparently he's crashed a vehicle before w/ SVHS.
Their performance went as well as one could expect. The partner work was killer...everyone in the crowd kept gasping..like omg...omg they didn't just do that. All in all we ended up getting 2nd place with the score of 65.3 and the first place winners (Downey) 65.9 not even by a whole point. but i wasn't dissapointed i thought they did a good job. Plus the other school had their uniforms and the whole show finished. It turns out that we were against Lorenzo's school Downey and we ended up talking afterwards. It's just weird that we're against 5 schools that i know their instructors or I was instructed by. It's ok...i'm not worried about them...
3 Drinks| Drink Me
04:43pm 08/02/2005
mood: blah
I've been wanting to buy a new book but have been stumped as to what to get.

Does anyone have any recommendations on books?

I'd really like suggestions...
6 Drinks| Drink Me
dancing in the dark   
06:28pm 06/02/2005
mood: contemplative
lately I am just trying to sort out things in my head to come up w/ better outcomes.

contemplating some actions that have been stored in my mind for a while now.

It's been slow lately w/ things but i hope something exciting happens soon.
2 Drinks| Drink Me
weekend events   
07:24pm 31/01/2005
mood: melancholy

was our first colorguard competition for SVHS. WE WON FIRST PLACE! the kids were really excited. I think Robert almost pissed his pants he was so happy. It went smoother than I would expect my first comp. as a colorguard instructor. The best part was showing that we were better than BPHS. They got third and WE GOT FIRST! HAHA IN YOUR FACE NAiLER. the stupid thing was that when we were walking over to our warm up area we had to pass the BPHS colorguard and they were shouting and being rude...you know talking shit to my kids and the dumb bitch instructor didn't say anything to them. They were so sure of themselves that they were going to beat us... they are in for a surprise this season. Another thing was that some other bitch during the awards ceremony from san dimas high school (the colorguard instructor) actually talked shit to my guard. Saying that we only won by one-tenth of a point and that bphs deserved to win that they only reason why we won was cuz they got penalized. It's pretty pathetic that a grown woman would say this to kids. She wasn't even in our division....and she got last. All I knows is that we have the trophy in our hands. They can kiss our asses. Oh and it was so nice...the colorguard got me cake and sang happy birthday to me when we got back to the school. I was surprise...i had no idea what they were up to...They said them winning first place was their present to me....cool deal.


it had been exactly a year since I haven't lived at home...It was sad that I had to associate that with my birthday. I'm nineteen now but feel twice as old. Lindsey sang to me in the middle of the night and andy woke me up to sing to me in spanish in the morning. We went to breakfast and they had "plans" for me. They didn't exactly fall through. I was trying not to be sad but it was hard. My mom called and i was grateful for that but it broke my heart that my dad didn't even bother...he made me cry. Bekah called later and I was happy to talk to her cuz i'm always happy to hear from her. unfortunately the phone disconnected and after that I was unable to get a hold of her. Danielle called later as well as my grandparents. Others from my family....didn't....it sucked. But it was cool to hear from sarah, cloud and ana. I miss my friends. Esther too! she IMed me. I felt bad cuz we invited all these ppl to come to my b-day party and not one person showed up. With my family it was just drama or impossible for them to come over cuz they can't come to grips with me and my decisions....it sucks. So here we were Lindsey, Andy, Miko, Spud and I with all this food and no one else to party with. Although I did get a cool cheshire cat stuffed animal.. I think that's it for now
7 Drinks| Drink Me
09:50pm 28/01/2005
mood: blah
Ok...I just edited the music for the colorguard for their competition tomarrow....

and It's pretty sad but i did a better job then Holbrook and i've never used this program much less edited music before ever in my life!

talk about stress...
1 Drink| Drink Me
subject of non-interest   
06:43pm 22/01/2005
mood: frustrated
I spent the day at sierra vista painting backdrops. I think they look really great and that once everything is put together it's going to look really good. The competition is about a week away (the 29th). I'm kinda nervous yet not. It's more like i just want to know what exactly is going to happen and when. I don't know why but i just feel really frustrated right now. I'm just tired of the same old thing happening all the time... I liked it last year when i always felt excited for the next day. That drive is just gone...
1 Drink| Drink Me
11:47am 13/01/2005
mood: bored
So yesterday I woke up early (earlier than normal these days) and went to Laguna Beach. I was nervous because not only was I about to find out if I would lose my scholarship/financial aid if I took a leave of absence this semester from school but yesterday was also the court date for my lawyer to find out if we'll even have a case. Well right when I got there I was able to speak the the registrar about my situation, signed my paperwork, and met with Jonathan for a portfolio review. Luckily I won't lose my scholarship but I'm still disheartened by the whole situation. Being unable to go to school this semester...it makes me feel like I'm being left behind. Plus I'm so used to being so buisy what to do now? I would have been devastated if I lost my scholarship. I told Ms. Daniels about it yesterday. She said she didn't even want to think about it ( losing my scholarship) because it's one of those jaw dropping moments.
I was lucky to have met with Jonathan in the morning because he was really buisy. When he was looking over my stuff he said that he forgot how good I was at such an early stage. He said that I had lots of potential and that he knows when he sees a student's work whether or not they are going to go far. I just stared at him because I feel like i haven't given my all that I could have done so much more. When I told him that I wasn't coming back this semester because of the accident he voiced his concern about how he thinks that I could go so far to try to come back. Of course I'm coming back...just not now. He has helped me out the most out of all of my instructors this first semester. It reminds me of Mr. Rowley and how he really cared about my growth in art. Now it'll just be up to me to keep it up skill-wise.
In other news the homelife is going rather good (at least MY home). I got a new kitten Miko. I'm just teaching colorguard at the high school. Our show is almost done and I think this group has a lot of potential. Our first show is on Jan. 29th. Coming up really soon. So I hope things go good. I'm sure we'll kick BPHS colorguard's ass.

Drink Me